Monday, December 31, 2012

It will be 2013 in 5 hours!

Sweltering, sweating,
swanning about sans sweaters,
swallowing, swilling.

PS if you'd like to comment on my 13 "ethical" resolutions for 2013, they're on my other blog.


New Year resolution - spend less time reading blogs

"From your 1,021 subscriptions, over the last 30 days you read 6,262 items, clicked 852 items, starred 3 items, and emailed 50 items.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Achievements today

Joined the library,
bought contacts, slept, washed my hair,
survived the heatwave,

Changed the bedsheets,
found missing remote control,
changed some batteries.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Tinnitus is very annoying, especially when paired with vertigo

It is Christmas Eve
I can hear bells a-ringing
No, it's tinnitus

Thursday, December 6, 2012

I love my job (aka Can You Smell the Difference?)

Dead animal smell
or urine-permeated soft
furnishings smell?

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Two minutes to freedom (and cleanliness)

The time always crawls
Whenever I am on-call
Wanting to shower

Summer storms

Foreboding grey sheet,
oppressive air, promising
a sudden downpour.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Boom Boom

I saw this excellent 1980s dance-off on rage the other night (Grinspoon were guest programmers).



Unfortunately, the resolution in this video does not do the 80s threads justice.

Friday, October 26, 2012

No thanks

Unsolicited
advice from adolescent
skincare saleswoman

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Like + Love + Enjoy = ADORE

Three things I like: Aussie band Van She, the blog Advanced Style, and the wisdom of older persons*. Put them together and you get the awesomeness that is this video of the Idiosyncratic Fashionistas answering the question "What's your idea of Happiness?" I would advise that you watch it - some of their advice is priceless, all wrapped up in ear and eye candy.




*You're not allowed to say "elderly" any more. I learned about it in geriatrics training.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

tell me what you think

started a new blog
it probably makes me sound
like a spoilt wanker

Monday, October 15, 2012

First impressions of Hedland

Abundant red dirt
Ridiculous pile of salt
Pleasantly hot heat

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

I hate the uncertainty of on call shifts

Please, older people
Be well. Be well so I don't
need to go to work.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Thirties

Acne-ridden face
Strangely blemish-free
Is puberty done?

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Unauthorised charges aka I give up, damnit

I am defeated
by Virgin America.
Keep the 50 bucks.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Happy Father's Day



I love my Dad and
that he was a dead ringer
for Barry Morgan

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Even when your butt sneezed

Megan Isabelle
Perfect bundle of sweetness
I love you so much

(PS - I'm an auntie!)


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Personal space

Chubby man on bus
Uninvited, chubby arm
Pressing against me

Monday, July 30, 2012

Simple pleasures

Porcupine nail brush
Your red bristles make me smile
While you clean my nails

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Ouch.

Lift* broken again.
Post-personal training, walk
up three flights of stairs.


*elevator

Friday, July 13, 2012

Even I will admit...

Seventeen pages
for a credit card bill is
somewhat excessive

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Recipe for grumpy (aka first world problems)

Pneumonia plus
long haul flights* plus 2 hours' sleep
plus throbbing chin zit

*8 hour flight plus 10 hour stopover plus 14 hour flight plus delays

Thursday, May 24, 2012

"Intended for use after vigorous bathroom activity has occurred"



Get some Post-Poo Drops
by Aesop and A.P.C.
Best. Collab. Ever.

I first saw this collaboration around the interwebs on April 1st and I thought it was an April Fool's Joke. Fortunately, it wasn't and Post-Poo Drops are in Aesop stores now. They're my new favourite gift (even if your shit don't stink, you probably have guests).

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Luckily, it's Sunday

Why am I so tired?
Could it be I neglected
my breakfast today?

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Instructions from a delirious 90-year-old man

Remove your blouse, then
remove your bra, then tie your
bosoms together.

(Maybe he thought I had very long breasts, like women of his own age.)

Monday, May 7, 2012

Things I'm Afraid To Tell You meme

I already share
My disgusting innermost
Secrets with you here

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Mismatched expectations

At five star resort
Pillows are really hard and
They smell like a fart

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Separation anxiety

Do you ever poop
then feel empty inside, like
something is missing?

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The trouble with paradise

The perfect weather,
daily, eventually
becomes quite boring.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

SEO

Haiku blog haiku
Haiku blog haiku blog blog
Haiku blog haiku

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Everybody was haiku fighting

I have an online friend from the US who found me through a mutual love of beer haiku. He sent me this yesterday:

haiku friend; hello
i am really really drunk
i like koalas


Well, who doesn't like koalas? They're not native to my state but they still look cute (but are actually very vicious, which makes them even cooler).  He sent me this today:

hi again; winter
in australia right now?
that sucks, spring is here!


My response:

It is autumn (fall)
but the sun still shines bright; it
is swimming weather.


No one's going to give me shit about the weather in this town.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Still three days to go!

Four-day long weekend:
a delightful interlude
in a crappy month

Friday, April 6, 2012

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Good excuse not to clean up

Head turned to the left
Suddenly vertiginous
Woah, total head-spin

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Visually appalling

Driving to work, I
saw a car with eyelashes
and spewed in my mouth.

Friday, March 16, 2012

He shrugged his shoulders, as if I wouldn't mind

My ungloved hand, wet
as I examined his knee.
"Oh, that's just urine."

Thursday, March 8, 2012

This weather makes me crave ice-cream

I ate a shit tonne
of ice cream and then I felt
that I would be sick

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

It's too darn hot




Sticky and yucky.
The plants are all shriveled; the
flowers all wilted.

Sometimes I get bored of going out alone

So many events
I would like to attend if
I just had a friend

Monday, March 5, 2012

Unacceptable aeroplane behaviour

Tweezing one's eyebrows,
incessant honking laughter
and flossing one's teeth

Saturday, March 3, 2012

I wish I had a crush

By definition
A crush must hurt, and they do
And they do-oo-oo


Credit to That Dog

Saturday, February 25, 2012

It's an irony if it's true

My meaning in life
is to write this paper on
existential pain


(Yup, it's 2355 on Saturday night and I am writing this darn paper. Such a procrastinator.)

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Bad eyes, bad grammar

many papers to
read on"existential pain";
my eyes sting real bad

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Bad week

I disgust myself
when I suspect I have not
showered for five days

Saturday, February 11, 2012

I hope I'm not going blind

Left eye scotoma
Sparkling and growing. I should
get it checked out soon.

I need to get out

If I had a life
I might occasionally
write something funny

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I was in an inexplicably good mood*

Simple happiness
can be found in wearing your 
new orange trousers


*actually, good mood may have been due to being granted four weeks of annual leave to visit my buds in Portland and Vancouver! They won't take the whole four weeks - who has other US/Canada recommendations for me?

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Spotted on the way home from work

Pedestrian in
yellow and black stripes like a
human bumblebee

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Darn heatwave II

The streets are barren.
That's what happens when it hits
Forty-two degrees.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Darn heatwave

Perth skyline on Australia Day
photo by Neal Pritchard Photography



Australia Day:
I didn't melt but it was
too hot for baking*


(*Anzac biscuits and lamingtons and pavlova)

Monday, January 23, 2012

Optimism

The new year sparkles,
its promise permeating
the humidity.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Style inspiration

Ugh, it is too hot and humid and I am too itchy to do anything but sit on the couch in my smalls under the air-conditioning. However, I will have to get dressed at some stage (before I head off to work tomorrow morning) and I thought I'd share some of the ladies that influence my style.

1. Miss Piggy
She's been dressed by Marc Jacobs and Prada and she's done Annie Hall. However, my favourite era for Miss Piggy remains the 1980s, especially The Muppets Take Manhattan. How I covet those little Piggy outfits (except the wedding dress - that should stay in the 80s).





Style advice from Miss Piggy? "Clothes are like friends: they should always complement your appearance."

I plan to see the new Muppet film this week and look forward to seeing Miss Piggy's wardrobe.

2. The women of Advanced Style
I work with the elderly and I often admire their style. I am full of respect for the octogenarian woman with umpteen medical problems who takes the time to put on her petticoat, stockings and lipstick (and get her hair done weekly). I have long loved Iris Apfel, self-proclaimed "geriatric star" and fellow specs-wearer. In the past couple of years I have discovered her contemporaries in Ari Seth Cohen's blog, Advanced Style. Their style is fearless and their advice is priceless. ("Always try and bring out your best feature and don't let anyone tell you that you don't have a best feature!") I can't wait for the book.
100-year-old Rose on Advanced Style
Advanced Style
Advanced Style
Singer Rita Ellis Hammer on Advanced Style

3. Shirley Kurata
via Refinery 29

with Elijah Wood, via Autumn de Wilde
I love so-cool stylist Shirley Kurata's gorgeous home, her pom poms and her fabulous wardrobe. She has a similar face shape and glasses to me (round and round) and really rocks bright colours. She describes her look as "mod secretary style" but I think it is so much more than that.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Accidental flirtation

Dodgy contact lens
meant inadvertent winking
at random strangers

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Damn you eczema II

Vigorous scrubbing
led to bleeding of poor breast
in shower last night

Damn you eczema

Damn you eczema
The itch is all-consuming
And worst when drinking

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

My boob eczema is spreading

Whole body itching
Unwelcome lumps appearing
Bloody pruritis

Monday, January 2, 2012

I wish I believed in horoscopes

I want to believe
that this year will be fucking
super cool awesome