Innocent but easily misconstrued things that patients said to me today

My anus is sore;
Sometimes it bleeds but only
due to overuse.

It's nice when that girl
Massages my groin, hard, for
an hour twice a week.

Twelve week wait until new chairs arrive

My pretty new chairs
Now I have motivation
To clean up my flat.

Excited about new furniture purchase

Just bought some Eames chairs!
Please don't wet your pants (although
they are plastic seats)

September

The first day of Spring.
I dressed with optimism
but the wind was cold.

Her mother's a paediatrician so I assume there's nothing wrong with her

The toddler next door.
Screams. Loudly. All day and night.
It's penetrating.

She screams on the train.
Screams leaving and returning.
It is relentless.

In retrospect, I wish I'd said something

His fly was undone.
I was kind of embarrassed.
I kept my mouth shut.