Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New 2011

No time to reflect
No time for reminiscing
Must get my glam on

Wednesday, December 29, 2010


Haïkuleaks Cable

via swissmiss

Luckily, Christmas comes but once a year

Christmas gluttony
renders my brain dormant, and
my poos disgusting

Friday, December 24, 2010

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Corner of Sutherland and Wellington Streets

Lonely pair of thongs
Left in the intersection
Victims of traffic

Saturday, December 18, 2010

People in the Apple Store gave me weird looks for reading a book.

Not happy, Apple.
Took my three-week-old laptop
for repair today.

I waited there, and
read my paperback novel.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Health choices

My tummy's hurting
Drank too much Aveda tea
and not enough beer

Monday, December 13, 2010


Hurley and Warnie:
Is it just me or is she
WAY too hot for him?

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Going to work today

It is unpleasant
When walking upstairs, if the
Person in front, farts

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

I was pondering this at the Gorillaz concert on Monday night

My ideal rock band:
Two drumkits, two basses and
a small marching band

Sunday, December 5, 2010


tiny paper plane necklace by Victoria Mason, $66

Went to a wedding
lost my new bridesmaid necklace
so disappointed.

Friday, December 3, 2010

I hope I'm more exciting in my thirties

Had hair cut today
Should go out and show it off
But I'm too lazy

Thursday, December 2, 2010


It's summer today
It was summer yesterday
It's summer all month

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

He's probably feeling so fly, like a G6*

Man on a Segway
You have no right to look smug
Stop your smirking. Now!

*if you haven't heard this song, consider yourself lucky. If you'd like an academic discussion of the lyrics, see today is my birthday.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

My feet smell like leather

Wore new shoes today.
They have shiny gold lining.
My feet sparkle now.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Crap Christmas Craft

"It's the most wonderful time of the year."

When I was in Portland last month, I hit the "antique malls" and  bought a swag of vintage horse show ribbons (they are older than I am). I thought they'd make a nice "Merry Christmas" banner. The woman serving me kept saying, "I wish people would stop taking my name in vain," to which everyone kept responding with blank looks. Eventually she shouted, "My name is 'Merry Christmas' and every year people take my name in vain." I wanted to ask her what the f*** was wrong with her parents to name her that, but instead I just kept looking blank and ran out of the store with my purchases.

 Anyway, with my childlike cutting, stamping and sticking skills, I made a set of letters to spell out Merry Christmas. I plan to hang them for my Bad Santa video night.

Yes, "Merry Christmas". Pretty unoriginal. 

Here are some other words that crop up at this time of the year.  The last one is inspired by Gracie and my good friend Mr Doink (and matches my new Richie Designs letterpress cards, also found via Gracie).

I'm settling in to my new Macbook

I miss "shift insert"
and delete and home and end
but I guess I'll cope

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Maybe I'll give myself a pedicure

My feet are burning.
Is it neuropathic pain?
I really hope not.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Spam haiku

Grow your tiny dick
With this very effective
Enlargment device

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

We had proper make-up done for the wedding including eyelashes

My false eyelashes
are so long that when I blink
they hit my glasses

I am really living

If anyone in Australia or NZ is visiting a purveyor of magazines, they may wish to pick up December's Real Living magazine and flip to the letters page (specifically, page 20) to see my little letter to the editor. It is about this lamp that I blogged about before. The pictures in the magazine are worse than the ones on the blog - not sure why I submitted them. Oh well. Lamp is very please about its brush with fame.

There is a haiku event in Perth this week

News Haiku from the West by Barbara Campbell (no relation) part of the NOW RIGHT NOW performance art series at Perth Institute of Contemporary Art. (The Dachshund UN was part of the same series.)

What excites me more is Hiromi Tango's Behind the Door, which is about hoarding. I am such a hoarder.

Hiromi Tango

Monday, November 22, 2010

Rheumatology Clinic

I sat cross-legged
My feet were numb, my hip sore
Just like my patients'

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Congratulations Mr & Mrs CH

Sister got married
Boobs didn't fall out of dress
Mother was happy

Friday, November 19, 2010

When I sit near the open window at night

Neighbours are cooking
Barbecue on balcony
It makes me want steak

Neighbours are smoking
Cigarettes and other things
What naughty neighbours!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Ran out of groceries again.

A nutritious meal?
Cheese and tomato toastie
does not pass the test.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

My big sister's wedding is happening soon!

Bridesmaid dress fitting -
My bosom was too buxom
For my mother's taste.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Go on holiday for a few weeks and several thousand blog posts appear

Been back a week but
my bloated Google Reader
threatens to explode.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Dachshund UN

How would the world be
If it were run by small dogs
Instead of big men?

A modern 'Goldilocks and the Three Bears' tale in a Perth apartment

It's not too cold and
it's not too hot. It's perfect
balcony weather!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Misshapen double cleavage - undesirable side effect of travel

I've eaten so much
My bras now give me four boobs;
Time to buy new bra*

*or lose weight. Buying underwear just sounds easier.

Monday, October 18, 2010

More Portland stuff you would never see in Perth

Amazing vintage.
Excitement about the sun.
Giant candy bags.*

*with 225 chocolate bars in one packet. I think the most I've seen in Australia is a 20-pack of Freddo Frogs.

Portland is full of hipsters

Sunday afternoon
Topless cyclists, bosoms out.
They hurt my poor eyes.

Friday, October 15, 2010

American stuff you don't see in Australia

Driving on the right
Halloween decorations
Biscuits in gravy

Friday, October 8, 2010

Is it viral or bacterial

My fever persists.
Is that pus glistening on
My swollen tonsils?

Anti-beer haiku

On-call for night shift,
Plus lingering man-flu, means
No Friday boozing

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The one that I want (is not an upper respiratory tract infection)

I've got ch-i-lls
They're multiplying, and I'm
Losing my dinner

Monday, October 4, 2010

Is it better to work weekends because you are paid penalty rates?

Day off work today!
(but I worked yesterday and
I worked Saturday)

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Friday, October 1, 2010

Beer haiku

Shots, shots, shots and beer
Metabolised too quickly!
I should be drunker.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

I realised at 5pm I could have left at 2pm

Worst half-day ever
Left work after 5pm
Holidays beckon

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Wish you were here?

Spring becomes Summer
Tomorrow's forecast is for
thirty and sunny!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Haiku after my own heart

Check out these punctuation haiku, by Craig Harrison, on the US National Punctuation Day site. They're having a punctuation haiku contest, too.

One advantage of an "Oriental" themed event

At the ball last night,
I wore not a ball gown, but
A silk dressing gown.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Monday, September 20, 2010

Sometimes... (dedicated to Dea, who got this damn song stuck in my head)

I wish my haiku
Was more like bad white rap* from
the early nineties

*did your dad also call it "crap music" as if that were original?

Saturday, September 18, 2010

I saw Sleeping Beauty last night

Night at the ballet
Pretty ballerinas and
Men with large bulges

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I've run out of clean clothes

Laundry should be done
At regular intervals
Of less than six weeks

Monday, September 13, 2010

My productivity is up 100%

Dear TV stations:
Your terrible programming
Affords me spare time.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

What to do with large tax refund (gosh, I'm boring)

Won't buy a new phone
May buy a better laptop
Will save most of it

Friday, September 10, 2010

Plasma Boy

I haven't done an art wall post in ages. I currently have more than 30 prints (and some originals!) waiting to be hung. Outre Gallery recently opened in Northbridge, and tonight I visited for the first time and bought their last Plasma Boy print by Friends With You. He's pretty huge, and framed, and I was walking, so I haven't brought him home yet. Also, I have no idea where to put him. I'm a bit sick of the art wall so I may rip it all down and start again.

The nice gallery man gave me a Wish Come True toy too - they're in blind boxes (a lucky dip) and mine was the vertical stripey man. Weehoo!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Driving home last night

Assorted menswear
Abandoned at intervals
Along the freeway

Friday, September 3, 2010

Innocent but easily misconstrued things that patients said to me today

My anus is sore;
Sometimes it bleeds but only
due to overuse.

It's nice when that girl
Massages my groin, hard, for
an hour twice a week.

Twelve week wait until new chairs arrive

My pretty new chairs
Now I have motivation
To clean up my flat.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Excited about new furniture purchase

Just bought some Eames chairs!
Please don't wet your pants (although
they are plastic seats)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010


The first day of Spring.
I dressed with optimism
but the wind was cold.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Her mother's a paediatrician so I assume there's nothing wrong with her

The toddler next door.
Screams. Loudly. All day and night.
It's penetrating.

She screams on the train.
Screams leaving and returning.
It is relentless.

Monday, August 30, 2010

In retrospect, I wish I'd said something

His fly was undone.
I was kind of embarrassed.
I kept my mouth shut.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Premature decoration

Seen in David Jones:
New Christmas decorations.
Isn't it August?

One for the ladies (and men with gynaecomastia)

When running upstairs
One must hold onto one's boobs
If one is braless

PS thanks for all the nice comments lately and (golly gosh) thanks to all the followers. If I owe you will be there soon.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

My front doormat used to be green but now it is black and says "Welcome"

Someone changed my mat.
They swapped it for another.
I find it quite weird.

Unintentionally rhyming haiku

Music to my ears -
I found my iPod; it's been
missing for a year.

Weird dream about co-worker

I dreamt I did "it"
With the most beautiful boy
in the hospital

Boring days have sucked away my haiku mojo

Not much at work then
geriatrics interview
then bridesmaid meet-up.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I'm pretty impatient

Hung parliament.
Waiting. At least there's no more
political ads.

Here is an entertaining and realistic depiction of Australian politics in the lead-up to yesterday's federal election (yes, there really is an Australian Sex Party). I haven't embedded it the right size so you should watch it in YouTube. It's worth it. You can turn the sound off; there are subtitles:

Basically, after most of the votes have been counted, neither of the two main parties has a majority in the Lower House. There are three Independent MPs who will probably determine which party gets to govern. Here is an advertisement for the Member for Kennedy, one of the three Independents with whom this responsibility lies:

Ah, Bob Katter. I may not agree with your policies but I do love your advert.

Monday, August 16, 2010

I think my car is due for a service

My car smells like fart
but I have not broken wind
(most surprisingly)

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Fremantle Maritime Museum

it pokes its glass and steel arse
at Fremantle Port.

My sister's man took us out on his boat

Out on the river
I would have had a beer but
No toilet on board

Friday, August 13, 2010

I'm sure they must obscure the vision

Cascading eyebrows:
Like the hairy drapes to the
windows of your soul.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Painful for my eyes and her crotch

Painfully dressed girl
Walking down the corridor
Leggings are not pants

Monday, August 9, 2010

A good excuse for Monday night boozing

I'm eating my hat
I passed my fucking exam
No more tests...EVER

Sunday, August 8, 2010

My flights are booked! Hurrah for holidays.

I'll be visiting
pretty Portland, Oregon
and mintox Melbourne.

Anyone have any advice about where I should visit? 

I'm quite obsessive/compulsive with my travel planning so I'm adding a page to this blog with my travel links.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

The view out my window on a lazy Saturday morning

It's a lovely day.
I'd be on my balcony
But I am pants-less

Friday, August 6, 2010

I wrote this when I was (am) drunk

Didn't eat dinner
but enjoyed beer, vodka and
expensive whisky.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Thursday, July 29, 2010


Exam is over
'til I inevitably
have to resit it

The problem with clinical examinations

I hope not too much
verbal diarrhoea flows
from my mouth today

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The day before

Crap crap crap crap crap
Crap crap crap crap crap shit crap
Crap crap crap crap shit!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

I should be more worried about my exam than the TV

Remote control lost.
Must move my butt off the couch.
How devastating.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Freaky Fug Friday

I pooped out a haiku for Freaky Fug Friday over at Go Fug Yourself, to describe this picture of Grace Jones.

Impressive plumage,
Miss Jones. And as for your pants -
I'm glad that you waxed.

Most of the haiku are much better than mine but hey, I am multitasking with study (listening to lectures online).

Shits and giggles

I was sick today.
Do you know what gives me the
shits? Diarrhoea.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

I had a lovely dream last night

A bowling alley
inside a cinema that
plays rare Muppet films.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I try to be hygienic

Public toilet floor.
Twenty cent coin, abandoned.
I leave it alone.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

wee ooo wee ooo

Car alarm wailing
Is the owner unaware
Or merely lazy?

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Guess what I saw

It's red and yellow
and pink and green and purple
and orange and blue

Phalanx. Phallic. Phloppy.

The broken boomgate
Its distal phalanx drooping
Like a limp penis.

Sunday, July 11, 2010


Legs were so hairy.
After they were waxed, I think
I lost a kilo*

*approximately 2.2lb, if we're being literal, which I'm not

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Feel sick after over-eating at Mother's birthday dinner

Happy Birthday Mum,
Hope you I don't get a big bum
from your birthday cake

What if... (an humiliating and mortifying possibility)

...I am the only
person from my hospital
to fail the exam?

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

We all scream for ice cream

I overate it
Tiramisu gelato
Now my tummy churns

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Dear Little C, sorry I was such a bad girlfriend

Sorry I was mean
and lacked compassion, and I
sometimes made you cry

To the rest of my North American readers

Hope you have a great
Independence Day and be
careful with fireworks

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Dear mystery friend...maybe you shouldn't have sent me that text about doing a poo today!

When you texted me,
Sorry I announced out loud*
That you were pooing.

*don't worry. I was at work and not that many people heard.

To all my Canadian friends

I hope you have a
happy Canada Day and
get the day off work

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Dear Mum and Dad, I really wanted to play netball and wear a skirt

Sorry I never
tried at playing basketball.
The pants* distressed me.

*They were called "bloomers" and were essentially a pair of polyester underpants in your team's colour, that you wore over your normal underpants. No skirt, no shorts, no track pants, just UNDERPANTS. The singlets were invariably ten sizes too big, with deep v necks and enormous arm-holes that left little girls in danger of exposing their bra-less nipples. How was a peri-pubescent girl supposed to care about sport when she was too busy worrying about exposing her blossoming lady bits? What pervert designed those uniforms? Even now, when I think about them, my arms instinctively move to pull at my singlet and try to cover my crotch.

To Dad, who doesn't even own that car any more

Sorry about that
time I parked your car somewhere
and it got a dent.

Letter to Tanya

I hope we shall soon
eat cupcakes together in
Portland, Oregon.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Dear sister, sorry I'd eat all your Easter eggs after mine were gone

You had have willpower
And could can save treats for weeks but
I could can not resist.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Dear Russell, sorry about that time I up-chucked at your 21st

Fluorescent orange.
All over your couch. And me.
I blame the Cheezels*.

(*Plus the alcohol may also have played a role. Sorry about that.)

Friday, June 25, 2010

My Mum knows what I'm giving her for her birthday next month

When phoning your Dad,
Ensure you're not on speaker
In front of your Mum

I think it got down to 2 degrees Celcius this morning

Cold by Perth standards
Necessitating stockings
And a light jacket

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I am heading for Big Things

I found out today that I will be sitting my exam next month in Nambour, Queensland. I had never heard of Nambour before (I hope none of the local examiners should stumble upon my blog and be offended by that fact) but I have since learnt that it is home to The Big Pineapple and its lesser-known cousin The Big Macadamia Nut. According to Wikipedia, famous people born in Nambour include our Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, Federal Treasurer Wayne Swan and national treasure Bindi Irwin. There is a stirring musical tribute to Steve Irwin on the official Nambour website. (I must insist that you check out those links to the Big Pineapple and Macadamia Nut - they are most entertaining.)

On a note that is unrelated, much like my parents, thanks must go to some of my favourite bloggers for mentioning Cerebral Excrement. The hilarious Ally at Today Is My Birthday! compared Cerebral Excrement to "a tiny flavoursome rice cracker" in her post entitled "Sick." (Hmm.) The very stylish and always grammatically correct Mitchell & Dent included Cerebral Excrement in a list of Perth's best blogs! I am totally flattered and shocked to be there and I am sure it is just because of my constant (well-justified) flattery of them. Thank you ladies!

Sadly accurate

Definition of
an alcoholic: drinking
more than your doctor.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

I blame the exam

Haiku mojo lost.
Am trying to reclaim it
Without much success

Friday, June 18, 2010

Why must mock exams ruin my fun?

Today is Friday
Tomorrow is Saturday
The weekend is here


Miss Australia:
We share a surname; I hope
that is all we share

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Work today

A patient refused
to shake my hand at the end
of his appointment.

He must have thought that
I had not worn a glove for
his rectal exam.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Participate, Paper Pastries and Poppies.

More activities in which to participate (and with which I can procrastinate):

photo from Much Lead blog

Much Lead is an art installation planned for October 2010 in Sydney. The girls responsible are taking donations of pencils. I am going to send them some (although I am not a designer, maker, artist, tradie or student). Here is the description of the project from their blog:

"Much Lead is an installation created by Felicity Gartelmann and Claire McCaughan of Sam Crawford Architects Inspired by their Surry Hills studio neighbourhood, the work explores the idea of the pencil as a simple yet essential tool.

Donated by designers, makers, artists, tradespeople and students, the pencils will be suspended to create a canopy of colour, drawing together a surprising, cross-disciplinary community of pencil lovers."


Color Me Happy (or, as I call it, Colour Me Happy) is a package exchange organised by Cole of Adventures in Love and Happiness. I participated in her Brown Paper Packages exchange recently and had oodles of fun putting together a package of my favourite things for my exchange partner.

This is what I sent to The Envelope Project over at Meet Me At Mike's. I covered an envelope with Japanese tape (unoriginal, I know) and added one of my new kraft address labels from Paper Pastries. The naked strip down the bottom is for the post office to use (see, I am very considerate). For the return address, I used a label from Poppies for Grace (I bought heaps of stationery in the sale they are having this month) and my brilliant new address stamp. The stamp is so much fun (and looks even better when it's not all smudged). I shall be sending even more mail now I have this baby. I won a $20 store credit from Paper Pastries and used it towards a bunch of items, including the stamp. Margaret, who runs the store, is super-nice and has some cute stationery in her store (especially her pencil sets). She has a cool blog too - Burt Reynolds stationery, anyone?

The contents include a tea bag (for a sweetly scented envelope); a polaroid of one of my favourite prints (I think I have bought about 30 prints in the last month or two - oops); a hand-written recipe for my most-baked biscuits; and a little book of haiku! I hope the recipient appreciates the haiku book. It contains about thirty haiku from my blog, handwritten with love.

If you are lucky, I will send you some Cerebral Excrement too!


Forgotten pasta
Boiling for twenty minutes
Now soft and bloated

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Gross morning sunlight

I hate seeing my
big face reflected in my
laptop monitor

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Things I don't want my colleagues* to know about

My ineptitude
my inadequacies, my

*except the ones who read this blog. They know about these things anyway.

I have all but abandoned alcohol for study and sleep

The cold amber brew
Comforts me each Friday night
Like a long lost friend

Thursday, June 10, 2010

How can I stop them? Do any of my readers like Taiwanese sex?

Darn Chinese spammers!
(They may not be Chinese but
their spam is Chinese.)

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Haiku for lovely Little Sarah

Your new hairstyle and
Black clothes make you look like a
Friendly Leigh Lezark

Monday, June 7, 2010


Looking for things to do that don't involve sitting in front of your computer (novel, I know)?

First up, Pip at Meet Me At Mike's has an Envelope Project whereby you send her an envelope with little bits of lightweight and papery goodness, then she sticks the envelopes on the window of her store (in Melbourne), posts photos of the contents on a flickr group, then randomly chooses a participant at the end to receive ALL the items posted to her. Letters are welcome from anywhere.

the envelope project

Next, Janice at Little Miso has a Paper Hearts Project, in which participants make little paper hearts, possibly with secret little messages written on them, then pin them up where they can make people happy. Visit the blog for all the details and pictures. Instructions are below.

Last long weekend I worked 45 hours; I much prefer this weekend

Dear Monday, I'm glad
you're a public holiday
and I'm not working

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Goodnight. Yawn.

It's 2 already?
A person of my vintage
Should be asleep now

Don't you love...

The satisfaction
Of liberating something
Stuck between your teeth

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Zakka Box

I left a comment on the Inside Out magazine blog the other day about Zakka Box, a new store I'd sidled past and ogled through the window because it was closed. It turns out the Inside Out folk actually read their comments and Lee Tran (Deputy Chief Sub Editor) has written a review of Zakka Box today! I had an opportunity to visit Zakka Box in person on Saturday and it did not disappoint. I was happy to see that its stock is made in Japan (not just cheap Made In China replicas) and not horrendously overpriced, as many Japanese imports tend to be. Some of my favourite items were the wooden stamp sets, Japanese masking tape (yes, I'm addicted), the Bulb Cup by Tetsu Sumii and Soshi Takita (made from a recycled light bulb - the animation on the website reminds me of "Mr Sparkle" from The Simpsons) and the Shinzi Katoh homewares. They stock a lot of other cool +d stuff too.

The service is fantastic, there is free gift-wrapping and batteries, and your change and receipt are placed in a little tray on the counter, Japan-style. Seriously, I haven't had this much fun since I last visited the hakyu-en.

Go read Lee Tran's review for kawaii photos (and a reference to me as "eagle-eyed reader")!

PS My copy of Inside Out's July/August issue arrived today and it is worthy of many drools.

haiku and a bitch

Russh, Russh. Hurry love
Come to me. Russh, I wanna
Read you, be with me

(Apologies to Paula Abdul. Also, I had totally forgotten that Keanu Reeves was in that video, displaying his bodacious acting skill.)

Russh magazine used to be my favourite. I would anticipate it every two months and wish that it would come out every month. Somewhere, it has lost its charm (even as it improved its annoying spelling and grammar). This may be due to changes in editor or maybe it's just that they recruited Lesley Arfin as a columnist. The latest issue has a new editor (Stevie Dance) and I was looking forward to seeing her changes (there is a MAN on the cover) BUT my subscription still hasn't arrived! The magazine came out in newsagencies a week ago and I'm disappointed to not have received my copy.

Rant over.

Monday, May 31, 2010

The corridor smelt of urine today

Bad hospital smell.
I always worry: maybe
it's coming from me.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

I am going to try take a little break from the internets

Dear Internet: you
suck my time, my energy
and my mental health.

I will understand if you keep your distance

If you are unwell
With contagious illness
Please do not hug me

Saturday, May 29, 2010

My tribute to Gary Coleman

Who doesn't want to be immortalised as Oscar the Grouch?

I''d better lift my game

I discovered this brilliant haiku by Matt at The Dead Journalist's Society:

lindsay lohan- hi
you have dr. seuss creatures
living in your vag

Haiku for Little Miso (part of giveaway prize)

Sweet Little Miso:
Fills the world with loveliness,
Picture by picture.

Sweet Little Miso:
Purveyor of magical
necklaces and art.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Meg from PaperJot interviewed me and four other bloggers


Thank you, Paper Jot,
for featuring Cerebral
Excrement today.

Read about my inspirations and my favourite blogs.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I have another crapola mock exam thing this week

and Rheumatology must
be learnt by Friday

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I'm glad it was a dream

I dreamt that I had
nocturnal enuresis;
it was just night sweats

Monday, May 24, 2010

Illogical? Stupid? Lazy?

The milk seemed bad on
Sunday so why am I still
drinking it Monday?

It's almost winter

Rain, rain, go away
Come again another day
(I jest! I love you!)

Sunday, May 23, 2010

I went to the dentist this weekend

My dental abscess
So disgusting. Don't know why
I'd publicise it.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Serves me right for taking up a "blow dry and cut for $41" offer

Worst blow dry ever
Look like middle-aged woman
Hiding head in shame

I had goosebumps this morning

A useless* response to the
Inclement weather

*unless you are a furry animal, which I'm not (except my legs)

Friday, May 21, 2010

I'd better put more effort into exam preparation

Cost of an exam:
Four-thousand, two-hundred-and-
sixty dollars. Ouch.

At least I can claim
it as a tax deduction.
(That's little comfort.)

Thursday, May 20, 2010


Q: What's better than your friend surprising you with a stamp set from Yellow Owl Workshop?

A: When she surprises you with another set a few days later!

Little Sarah knew that I love to write letters so she bought me this set so that I can stamp cityscapes at the bottom of my sheets of paper. What a sweetie!

Thanks Sarah, you are the BEST.

The time I met the Hoff in real life and his skin was like an orange

hofftastic, originally uploaded by uglyelissa.
Ode to the Hoff: He
is not a redhead but he
is very orange.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Build me up, buttercup.

Like many in my profession, I am plagued by low self-esteem and thrive on positive feedback. That is why I love all your comments and emails. Also, thanks to these people for posting about the packages I sent to them: Faiza, Kellie, Bianca, Anaurora and Jennifer. Plus, it helps me to remember what I sent because I forgot to take photos before I packaged it all up. Thanks everyone.

Q: What's better than a stamp set from Yellow Owl Workshop?

A: When your friend surprises you with one!

Little Sarah and I were shopping yesterday when she noticed me admiring these stamp sets. After we left the store, she faked an emergency toilet stop and we parted ways. Little did I know that she was doubling back to William Topp to buy me this tea party set! She presented it to me, wrapped, at the Vampire Weekend concert and led me to believe it was a piece of pecan pie. This is even better than pie!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

As a health professional, I find this very disappointing (and gross)

Two public toilets
Neither venue had handwash
What poor hand hygiene

Anyone know the lower age limit for cougars?

Vampire Weekend show:
Many cute young men. Should I
become a cougar?

When I asked Sarah,
she laughed (and laughed and laughed) and
then proclaimed, "Why not!"

Sunday's to-do list (first seventeen syllables are already done)

Breakfast with friend, then
two art galleries, buy art,
deep tissue massage.

Dinner with friend, then
drink some beverages, then
see some live music.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Awful feeling

Nausea persists
Worried someone will realise
What a fraud I am.

Publicly humiliated and badgered

I needed one of these badges today. I had a mock examination for which I was very under-prepared. I feel that I have brought shame upon my hospital.

Enough of that. Don't you love that badge? I bought one for a buddy a few years ago. We met working at McDonald's when we were in high school. Our Macca's badges looked just like this one, only with our names on them. I wish they'd given us these instead. The badge is by Kearnsie, who is (I think) based in Melbourne. She makes others, such as the "Hello, I like to skim stones and take long walks in the park" and the "Hello, Very busy, Very important" badges. If you're in Perth you can pick one up at William Topp or get one online at Moose.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I haven't watched my True Blood Season 1 box set

DVD player
Its door unopened, stuck shut
Can't watch DVDs

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Bear backs a winner

Thanks for everyone who entered my giveaway. Sorry for the delay in choosing a giveaway winner but I wanted an impartial judge so my friend Lil Sarah pulled a random name out of the hat. (Next time I think I'll just use Here is a blurry picture of a bear guarding the names in the hat:

The winner of the stash is Little Miso, who said: 

"what an awesome bag, it's like a massive canvas envelope :D

i love... that moment of peace you have when the computer is off, the lights are off, any distractions are off, everything is still... and you can smile to yourself about how amazing life is.
...haha i hope i'm not just mad!"

I have blogged about Little Miso before and she is coincidentally the creator of a magical, lucky necklace that I wore when I sat (and miraculously passed) my recent exam. Thanks Little Miso! Email your address to me at elissa(at)iinet(dot)net(dot)au and I'll post you the prize once it's all written, wrapped and ready.

Unfortunate surnames...continued.

My new favourite
name is now Doctor Wiener.
Do not marry him.

Monday, May 10, 2010

I keep composing all these haiku in my head but...

My haiku are all
"adults only" and too rude
to post here today.

Sunday, May 9, 2010


Stinky cigar smell
Befouls my elevator
The culprit long gone

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Another whinge

Breaking out in sweats
Pain from my head down my neck
Think I'll go to bed

Friday, May 7, 2010


If my surname were
"Cocks" (C. O. C. K. S.) I
would change it to "Cox."

Stupid viral illness

Didn't go to work.
Despite paracetamol*
My head hurt real bad.

*aka acetaminophen for all you Americans

Also, remember to enter my giveaway, which finishes in two days. Odds are good.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I am now working in Oncology

I had never touched
as many breasts as I touched
in clinic today.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

My car is so clean

It was my first time
The automatic car wash
It was loud and fun

Monday, May 3, 2010

Isn't it funny when people are embarrassed/proud of their farting

My flatulent friend
I would not have known your crime
Had you not confessed

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Stupid exam preparation

Study on Sunday.
Not the ideal way to spend
a sunny weekend.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

I'd make a terrible house wife

Three-day-old laundry
Damp in the washing machine
Hope it's not mouldy

Friday, April 30, 2010

Vegan food and dirty karaoke

Sarah, Scott and I
Visited Utopia
For meat-free eating

You may notice I've turned off the WV

More darn foreign spam
The word verification
Clearly does not work

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


F***. "Paper cut" plus
"bicarbonate of soda"
equals "bloody sore."

(By coincidence, I'm baking the same banana loaf as my sis.)

My new next door neighbour is training to be a Radiologist

My next door neighbour:
Official job description
is the "Breast Fellow"

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Even though I just ate dinner

I want a cupcake
And I want it now. (A la
Miss Veruca Salt.)

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Blog Birthday!

A year of haiku.
An opportunity to
give some shit away.

Today is Anzac Day in Australia and New Zealand, arguably the most important day in the Australian calendar.

It is also the one year anniversary of Cerebral Excrement, the blog. To celebrate, I am having a giveaway. I love a giveaway and this one will feature some of the things I love.

I love mail (receiving and sending, especially when the recipient posts my mail on their blog). I love reusable tote bags. I also love Aussie stationery store kikki.K. It therefore makes sense that I love this Love Mail Canvas Tote Bag from kikki.K. $1 from the sale of this bag goes to Climate Positive, which I also love. The bag is really roomy and seems quite durable.

(pictures from kikki.K)

I love magazines. The winner will choose an Australian magazine for me to send them (unless the winner is in Australia, in which case I will substitute this prize with a book, or collection of Perth zines, or a Japanese magazine from my collection, or something like that). Some Aussie magazines that seem popular with bloggers include Frankie (preview here and here), real living (preview here, here, here and here), Inside Out (preview here, here and here - plus comes with a free Rob Ryan tea towel this issue), Donna Hay Magazine (the current issue, the 50th, has the most gorgeous cover) and Cleo (recently revamped and now featuring many blogs, bloggers and DIY ideas - plus comes with a free ampersand tote bag this issue, interview with the Selby and article by the Go Fug Yourself girls).

I love good luck. The winner will receive a lucky pencil, that I used to write (and pass) my recent examination. It is pretty cute, too! I love cute stationery in general. I will include some of that too.

I love brooches and I love shopping locally. I have two brooches from local brands, including  a cute owl brooch. (Pictures will be posted later.)

I like haiku and I will write one for the winner! (Quality optional.)

To enter, just leave a comment below about something you love (that can be sent through the postal system). Get an extra entry if you are a follower of Cerebral Excrement (leave another comment if you are)! I will draw a winner on Sunday the 9th of May (GMT) so enter before then.

I am massively sleep-deprived (spent more than twelve hours today at work with no breaks) so I will probably update this later on with more prizes and pictures.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Work was busy.

No lunch break today.
No dinner break either. Heaps
of Anzac biscuits.

Friday, April 23, 2010

More knock knock jokes

Boy, most of the knock knock jokes at the Booooooom! contest are pretty awful. Here are some that I like:

Author: Boo Clu
*Knock knock*
Who's there?
Nicholas who?
Nicholas ladies shouldn't climb trees.
Author: Tiffany
knock knock! 
who's there? 
bisquick who? 
bisquick , your pant's on fire!
Author: Bill
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Salvador Dali.
Salvador Dali who?
Author: Erin
knock knock
who's there?
to who?
to whom
Author: alexa
knock knock,
who's there?
panther who?
panther no panth im goin sthwimmin.
Author: Katy
"Knock Knock."
"Who's there?"
"I ate mop."
"I ate mop who?"
"You ate your poo? You're gross!" 
Author: Tim
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Europe who?
No I'm not, you're a poo!
Author: Glynnis
Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Smell mop.
Smell mop who?
I love a poo joke.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Drei Trois San

Bianca over at Goodnight Little Spoon tagged me for this three thing, and as I love making lists and have not really shared that much about myself on this blog, here goes:

Three names I go by (no, I am not called "uglygirl" to my face):
-- E
-- Campbell (usually preceded by a "Yo!")
-- Campbs (yes, somehow the silent "p" slips in there)

Three jobs I've had:
-- Macca's chick (still my longest-running job!)
-- Counting votes for the State Election
-- Medical Secretary for an Autonomic Neurologist
Three places I've lived:
-- Perth, Western Australia
-- London, England
-- Bunbury, Western Australia (for three months!) 

Three favourite drinks:
-- pink grapefruit juice
-- anything with caffeine except for black coffee
-- beer
Three TV shows I watch:
-- Big Love
-- Rage
-- Project Runway (online)

Three places I've been:
-- Japan (three times)
-- Scotland
-- Eastern Europe

Three places I'd like to visit: (I'd go anywhere!)
-- Cuba
-- Tasmania
-- China

Three favourite old TV shows:
-- Daria

Three favourite dishes:
-- Gnocchi at Cantina (my favourite restaurant)
-- Butter chicken and brinjal bhaji at Chutney's
-- Pavlova

Three make-up products I cannot live without:
-- Becca Luminous Skin Colour
-- brown powder for my eyebrows (thanks Tanya for getting me hooked on this)
-- my contact lenses 
Three things I'm looking forward to:
-- never having to sit another examination in my life (unless it's for something fun)
-- travel, travel, travel
-- cleaning my apartment

Three superpowers I wish I had:
-- The power to relieve pain
-- Flying
-- Captain Planet powers (fixing up the environment)

Three places I love to shop:
-- Pigeonhole
-- William Topp
-- Japan

Three pets I've had and their names:
-- Moooi (a cow I invented for a school project)
-- I never had a pet. 

Three bands I'd want to see on a festival line-up (as if I could pick just three):
-- The Beatles
-- Weezer
-- Foo Fighters

Three favourite comfort foods:
-- Toast with lots of butter and Vegemite or honey
-- Milky chai tea
-- Toasted cheese sandwiches (made by Mum or Dad)

Three songs currently on rotation (yes, my record collection is somewhat out of date):
-- The Pixies - Caribou
-- The Strokes - Last Night
-- The Beatles - Rocky Racoon

Three people I'm tagging:
-- Faiza of It's Gonna Be a Lovely Day
-- Anaurora of Oh Happy Place
-- Jennifer of Make Tea Not War 

Three categories I could have rocked:
-- Three favourite recipes
-- Three books I'm reading now
-- Three favourite concerts ever

No sleep 'til Brooklyn

No sleep 'til midnight
No shower 'til then either
Hate being on-call

Knock knock. Who's there?

I wrote this Knock Knock Joke to enter a giveaway over at Booooooom!:

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Hike who?
The winter sunset
Turns day into night too soon
And the city sleeps

Get it? Lame, I know!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

This weekend...

Enter my contest
Win some of my favourites
Read more of my shit

Back to work for 15 hours tomorrow.

Chucking a sickie
A great Aussie tradition
(I was sick today)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

What I bought this weekend as "exam preparation"

Not one but two suits
In an attempt to make me
appear more grown-up

Don't be offended if you're not on the list - the syllables ran out

My followers have
such pretty names, like Dori
(short for Dorota),

Bianca, Faiza,
Anaurora, Melody,
Dania and Grace. 

I enter many blog giveways

Giveaways: I have
won three this week alone and
it makes me happy!

Poll r.e. glamour and glitter, fashion and fame vs your wildest dreams

Are you rockin' out
or truly outrageous?
Please vote over here

Monday, April 19, 2010

The contestants are monstering pavlova on MasterChef

What are these crazy
TV people doing to
my beloved pav?

(Also, why does no one applaud when I cut open my pavlova?)

Sunday, April 18, 2010


Update: thanks to Jessica from one of my favourite blogs, {Black.White.Yellow}, for linking to this post on her post about security envelope patterns.

I love security envelopes (I was mocked for this last week) and I love bunting. I also love gifts in matchboxes. Here's something I made a couple of weeks ago when I should have been studying...

The matchbox is upside down to hide the identity of the recipient. The mushroom stamp is just in the pictures for additional cuteness. The "e" pattern is my favourite, of course!

At least I'm not eating chocolate while I watch.

The Biggest Loser
Finale. I hate it when
they weigh less than me.

My life of mundanity

Sitting on the couch
Watching the television
and surfing the web

A partly-read book
Plus an unopened home mag
Also sit by me.

I should clean my flat,
I should read my textbooks then
I should go to bed.

Thunderbird, you disappoint me

What sort of spell-check
Does not have the word "poo" in
its dictionary?

My mock exam was so demoralising

I now know why it
is called a mock exam: it's
because we are mocked.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Things can only get better (until Monday)

At work Saturday
Not to work and be paid but
for a mock exam.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Excuse to buy a new shirt

A button burst off.
My abdomen is too large.
Or is it my boobs?

Good stuff coming your way!*

Went to post office.
Seven down, two more to go.
(Packages, that is.)

*PS feel free to re-gift.

Shake it, baby, shake it like a...

Win a Polaroid*
or win a Polaroid print.
They are both lovely!

*Polaroid camera AND photograph included!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Severe storm warning

Rain, rain, go away
But only for two minutes
While I'm walking home

Requests, anyone?

Sarah says she likes
My multi-verse haiku so
I'll try to write more

Monday, April 12, 2010

It finally feels like autumn

The glorious rain
Washes away the blues(ky)
And all becomes grey

Sunday, April 11, 2010


Thirty-one haiku
and fourteen days left. Do you
think I can do it?

It is expensive, too

Online shopping for
medical equipment is
quite time-consuming

Saturday, April 10, 2010


One of my favourite local stores, Pigeonhole, was having a clearance and sample sale this weekend and I picked up ten necklaces, a pair of earrings, a bracelet and these cute owl brooches for only $45! The pom pom necklaces were all tangled and took me about an hour to separate. Obviously, I can't wear all this jewellery myself so some of it may be heading your way.  

Oops, still haven't posted all those giveaway prizes

The post office hours
Coincide with my work hours.
I will try next week.


Advice you probably shouldn't follow

Try to act stupid
Lower their expectations
Fail once in a while

This won't make you a
better person but it will
make life easier

Just joking

What? No new comments?
But I've become addicted
to your daily quips.

Friday, April 9, 2010

On using a typewriter and apartment-dwelling

I wonder if my
typing is pissing off my
neighbours? I hope not.

Olive Someday Giveaway at Post Grad Hair Cut

Don't you love bunting?
You can win some bunting here.
Triangular fun!

I am so unfit

Does roller derby
Require co-ordination
Or could I do it?

I can rollerskate.
All I need is a mouth guard
and knee protection.

I also need an
awesome name so how about
Evil Cerebral?

I could get in shape
for my sister's wedding but
may have a black eye.

Found on the flickr:
The cerebral excrement

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Workplace bullying

It was ladylike.
Regardless, my colleagues all
mocked me for my burp.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Better fitness through shoddy workmanship

My lift is broken
yet again. I am forced to
use the stairs instead.

This won't mean much if you weren't into the Babysitters Club*

Dawn meets Zach Braff! Giggles.

* I always wished they'd put an apostrophe after the "s". I was such a nerd child.**
**Who's grown into a nerd adult.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


Eyes won't stay open
Clean sheets, thick pillow slips and
Firm mattress await.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Maybe I should stop going to the cheap nail place

A noxious odour
Has wafted up from my feet
Since my pedicure

How embarrassing. I have been wearing skirts all week.

Having pedicure
Girl at feet asks if I would
like my legs waxed too!

Why quantity will rule over quality, even more than ever

When I started this,
this Cerebral Excrement,
I had a target.

I wanted to write
one haiku per day, at least
one on average.

As I approach one
year of Excrement I am
short of my target.

Hence I must produce
fifty-four little haiku
in the next three weeks.

Please excuse the crap,
the crapper than usual
shitty excrement!

At least with this post
I have conquered six of the
fifty-four haiku!

Easter Bunny Survey

Which do you eat first?
The ears, so bunny can't hear,
Or bunny's bottom?

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Life's small pleasures

Cutting my toenails
Makes my feet feel clean and neat
Like a bald baby

Saturday, April 3, 2010

My new typewriter arrived this week*

Hello, Typewriter.
We will be friends. You'll type good,
And I'll write gooder.

*surprisingly intact. Who sends a typewriter through the post with no padding/bubble wrap. Sheesh.

Friday, April 2, 2010


Thirteen hours at work
One more hour of on-call left
Visited the morgue

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Some of my favourite glands

Parathyroid (gl)and
Thyroid (gl)and, pineal (gl)and

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Plus someone stole my stethoscope so I need a new one

I would rather buy
myself a pair of shoes than
an ophthalmoscope.

The only upshot?
At least I can claim it as
a tax deduction.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Not looking forward to tomorrow afternoon

First tutorial.
Public humiliation
and shame will ensue.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Words commonly misused by bloggers (sorry I can't do the French accenty thinggers)

"Bias" for "biased",
"Viola" for "voila" and
"Cliche" for "cliched".


Annoying lip zit
It is painful, it looks gross,
It lingers for days

Sunday, March 28, 2010


Little J haiku at GFY

PS I matched up the giveaway prizes with the recipients, over at the original giveaway post (in the comments) if anyone wants to know what they're getting.

PPS Polka Dot Rabbit and Drollgirl, I need your addresses to send you stuff!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Concert review

I saw The Pixies.
They played Doolittle and it
was fucking awesome.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Bye bye Team K

Today was the last day working with my current interns, aka "Team K". Fortunately, we will no longer have people point at us and say, "Haha! Charlie's Angels!" However, I will miss working with them. When they paged me, they would sign off with "kk". That was the inspiration behind the wrapping of their farewell-thank-you gifts. (I am excited that I finally found recycled kraft paper that doesn't come in a 100m roll.) The gift was intended as a reminder of their time in Geriatric Medicine:

Ice cube tray by Fred Flare, purchased at *ware Mount Lawley. 
Photos from Fred Flare website.

Perth, a thriving metropolis

The $2 Shop
is now the "Five2Three" Store
A sign of progress?

This may be why I'm so tired

My Google Reader:
Eight-hundred-and-nine feeds is
Somewhat excessive

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Cake Wrecks haiku

Forwarded to me by my sister. I think it is funnier than mine. Darn.

A whinge (aka "Gifts will hopefully be mailed next week")

Life has been busy;
sleep has not been refreshing.
Working all weekend.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Failed attempt to buy chocolates for giveaway winners

Oh, wherefore art thou
Caramello Koala?
Not on the store shelf.

Packagey packagey packagey

You all know I like a nice package. I love to give, love to receive, love to wrap...

The lovely Cole of Adventures in Love and Happiness is hosting "Brown Paper Packages", a gift exchange of your three favourite things. (Your three favourite things that fit an a letterbox, I guess.) She sent me a sweet package as part of the "Getting To Know You Knick Knack Exchange." I say, everyone sign up! It's fun!


I was so smug in my third floor apartment until I discovered the carpark was flooded

Perth's first rain for months
Streets flooded, traffic lights out
City in chaos

The Emergency
Department was flooded with
people and water

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Marc Johns - latest addition to art wall

I finally bought an original work by one of my favourites, Marc Johns

He's trying to catch something
And now I've caught him

Giveaway winner

The giveaway winner...using advanced mathematical

...everyone who entered!

Me Melodia
Anaurora H
Thy Lady J
74 Lime Lane
Woolgathering & Miscellany
Bianca J
Polka Dot Rabbit
also Drollgirl, not sure if you were trying to enter but hey, I'll send you something too!

Some people wanted their prize to be a surprise so I won't say who is winning what. Or maybe I'll post it in the comments of the giveaway post. Please email me your postal address (elissa[at] iinet[dot] net[dot] au) or post it in the comments and I'll get your prize off to you (hopefully within a week, depending on my level of sleep-deprivation).

Saturday, March 20, 2010

In the carpark, after lunch

Abandoned g-string
Lacy, aqua and dirt-stained
No one would touch it

I think there are still more prizes than entrants

There is still time to enter my giveaway because I am very busy this weekend and can't use the "I'm studying" excuse to avoid social engagements, which means I don't have time to pick the winners. Just leave a comment under the giveaway post. Here is some more haiku magic from the comments:

Would you expect anything less whimsical from someone called Polka Dot Rabbit?

birds fly around here
wings flutter dreaming of clouds
clouds deign politeness

I think Lady of Letters Bianca's haiku is very clever (despite her claiming to be "bad at haiku"). Also, I think it's her birthday today so Happy Birthday, you're a big girl now!

Here’s five syllables
And here’s seven syllables
And that’s my haiku

Finally, the ever-wonderful Wool & Misc honours us with two stanzas (although the first one's obviously a big fat lie):

i'm a big fat mess
your honesty and wit keeps
me coming back, yay!

my best friend loves owls
but you've sent me so much stuff
someone else's turn?

I just love sending shit and keep coming up with prizes so probably it's everyone's turn.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Package Project

The Package Project is based on the Lovely Package Exchange of Oh, Hello Friend. It is being organised by Cupcake Couture out of South Africa and is open to participants worldwide. I obviously love sending (and receiving) packages so I will be signing up for this.

Here are some of my packages...

...and some of my blank cards:

Today's result

Disbelief, surprise,
Shock, disbelief, denial,
Excitement, relief.

Before the exam, I decided that if I passed I would reward myself with an Eames Plastic Sidechair with Maple Base, in Light Blue. The exclusive Australian stockist is Living Edge and they have a 12 week lead time on orders! I hope they have one in stock (although I think it's unlikely). I will have to be patient. It should arrive in time to cheer me up before the next awful exam instalment (late July). I hope I don't spend heaps of money when I'm in Living Edge. I will have to be strong.

Photo Anemi Hotels via Poppytalk Handmade via AT

PS check out this mushroom stamp from kikki.K. The stamp (on the bottom) is a picture of a mushroom! It's $7.95. I'm totally getting one.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Ikea haiku (ps enter my giveaway please)

Shelf fell off the wall.
Luckily my head did not
Damage any art.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

In lieu of haiku

Well, in lieu of my own haiku, I am going to post the haiku from the giveaway entries! The bicycle tote is the early front-runner (front-cycler?) for first prize; it's a good thing I bought two of them. I had fun buying classic Aussie souvenirs during my lunch break (I had a lunch break!) today.

The first poem is by would-be Fredrika, the famous Miss Melody:

ode to excrement
with dash of insanity
my faves to visit

Next is by Anaurora, a fellow Capricorn whose interests include world peace. She lives in Portugal and writes short stories (and now, haiku!). I'm glad to brighten someone's Monday:

This blog allures me
this giveaway makes me feel
monday's a good day.

Last but not least, Faiza, whose name makes winning a fait accompli:

my name means "winner"
and your birdcage and haikus
make me smile real tall

Thanks for the haiku!
Everyone else, hurry
up and write one too!

Please enter my game
Then I will feel loved and you
Can have some cool stuff.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Slow news day

The tree man of Perth
He's been there one-hundred days
He must be smelly

Stuff I like that you may like

I suddenly have twenty followers. As a thank you for reading my little poems, I am having a giveaway this week. I do not know how many people will enter (if it's not many I probably have enough stuff to send a prize to everyone) otherwise I will maybe choose one winner for everything? Or a few winners?

Gee, I am not very good at this giveaway thing.

I will not be employing any pyramid tactics (along the line of - follow my blog and blog about my blog on your blog and use that Twitter thing and facebook my blog and you can have an extra entry - although you can do all those things if you like). All you need to do to enter is comment below with some fact about yourself, why you read this blog and which prize you would choose. Bonus entries for writing (or attempting) haiku! I will choose the winner(s) using some wonderful random-choosing mechanism, sometime this weekend (which is probably Friday where you are, unless you're in Australia or NZ). All prizes will be accompanied by bonus goodies (like stationery and haiku) and, if you are foreign, Australian treasures.

First item is for the tiger-loving tramps, a "Tiger Milk" print by Perth artist Sean Morris. It measures 19x25cm (about 8x10 inches) and is black ink on a white background (not grey as demonstrated by my dodgy photography). I picked this up at one of my favourite stores, William Topp.

Second is the Pigeon prize - something to hang in your home plus something to hang on your ears. Well, the birds on the mobile are probably not pigeons because they're not crapping on anything but you could add that in with some correction fluid. The cardboard mobile is also from William Topp and the tiny heart earrings are from Perth's Pigeonhole. Do not be misled by the giant pencil in the background - the earrings are tiny but not teeny-tiny.

Next is the Parliament prize. What a hoot! This includes a pretty parliament of amigurumi owls by Perth's Mel P Designs and a wooden brooch by Perth's White Square. Both were purchased at markets last weekend when I should have been studying. I may have to keep one of the crocheted cuties for myself so the prize will be one owl short.

The Paper Prize - a Dena Drake felt paper plane brooch from the Moose: Art for Living stall at last week's Unwrapped market, accompanied by a selection of stationery including an O-Check notebook and some Japanese masking tape! That's right, bitches, washi tape!

The Bicycle Booty - this includes a bicycle tote bag and some blue bicycle paper clips from kikki.K. n.b. You do not need to cycle to appreciate this prize.

Bag-lady Booty - this is a vintage handbag I purchased at Safehouse by Boniko. It jumped of the shelf when I walked past and I just had to buy it. (Also, check out their website for a giggle.) The bag will contain some secret bag-lady gems for the winner.

The last of the lovely loot is the "Bad Girl" booty - this prize will contain this Russell Leonard tea towel from Moose and some surprise stuff suitable for a naughty girl. I have a Russell Leonard tea towel and can attest to its generous size and ability to absorb.

Darn, now that I've posted it, I want to keep everything for myself. However, it is all for YOU my lovelies (except the one little owl I'm going to steal). If you win something and don't want it, it is exchangeable for a handmade, handwritten haiku book. Also, there's probably stuff I've forgotten to post so keep checking throughout the week.